this whole working on my confidence thing is funny because it is a total bust. (i'm a joke)
i am pretty convinced if i had any amount of it saying simple things would be significantly easier.
lets get real here.. I AM AWESOME. right? consequence-smonsequence. i need to get over myself.

lately i cant make it through a day without being tired or wanting to nap. not working for the government has been great but i am already reminded far too much of what unemployment is like and spend all day thinking of what i could/should be doing. (always cleaning, this cant stay this way.)

its hot out. i should try to go swimming today but i know i wont.
i went to the mountains alone last night and laid on the hood of my car telling myself that spilling my guts is easy. it was super clear and wonderful and i listened to the get up kids really loud during the drive. maybe i need to do that again tonight.

tomorrow we are planting everything that we have not planted yet. i am really excited about this. gardening is one of the things i feel best about lately. it seems this is all i ever say.