i am starting to believe i grind my teeth at night.
either that or i just keep them constantly clenched.
i have done this in the past when i have been really stressed out, but i dont feel like i am right now?
maybe a little, but nothing that warrants this type of unconscious behavior.

the last thing i did before i went to sleep last night, and the first thing i did this morning when i woke up (or rather, woke up to do it..) was clean up cat puke.
my brain hurts from the dream i had last night. i wish i could just sleep all day as a result, but i am almost too afraid to.

next week i am going on tour with dasha. i am super pumped about it and only slightly hesitant. someday, somewhere along the line i need a week long vacation of no fun and complete loneliness. it will be the only way to adjust to normal life. (still, constantly asking myself what normal means, since it clearly does not exist the way i would have previously described it)

still, i want my cottage. with a book, no internet, endless amounts of sleep, and 'tea time' every day.

i just woke up from a dream and now i feel so lost.

lists of late

-i have been feeling really sad for other people lately.
-i cant get enough of space (the final frontier kind).
-i am going to be spending a few days in rochester early next week and am excited about that.
-i want to watch every humphrey bogart movie in existence, but probably wont even get close.
-i often feel like i am living some kind of dream that i dont know how to interpret.
-i think about money too much.
-i dont want to be drinking as much.
-i want to be swimming more.
-i never want to set up another show, ever again (but i will)
-i want to own land, and a house, and as little stuff i dont need as possible.
-i really want to hug certain people.
-i need to write marena a letter.
-and i need to not be inside right now.

a haiku or two,three...

i dont know how to
handle this budding romance.
what am i doing?


(this may come off wrong
i mean it in a good way
i am just so scared)

((i dont remember
what its like to feel this way
you understand, right?))

---
i am being too dramatic.

i wish i could articulate the way those canadian folks make me feel.

I have made it almost a week with no emotional melt/breakdowns. This is a good thing.

I am going to Toronto for the weekend, to play with Jordaan and folks for the "Divorce Lawyers I Shaved My Head" album release. I am super excited about seeing all those kids as well as playing music with them and getting that feeling of excitement that it seems I rarely get these days.

I am going to spend the following week in Rochester. Hopefully I will watch copious amounts of Twin Peaks, give more hugs than I know how, and read.read.read.read.

Things are looking up!

struggling.